Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Like tiny, disgusting horses

A friend of mine used to begin his explanation for why he likes the tv show 24 like this, "you know, I am usually completely against torture...," and he would go on to explain that when the main character of the show tortured someone he thought it was perfectly called for and, in fact, very well executed. I am going to start this rant off the same way...
I am usuallyh completely against torture, even of insects and rodents and things we humans traditionally do not care about. However in the case of my new friend the cockroach I may relent. I have been trying to figure out what it is that makes these things so grotesque and unlikable but still cannot pinpoint it. Regardless I am disgusted by them and, recently, have been thinking about employing some crueler methods for their demise, that is rather than the ancient and reliable "shoe method." I want to encourage them to seek a home elsewhere and though I am pretty sure intellectually that they do not have any means of abstract communication, when I see them I can easily imagine their plotting to further inhabit my apartment. In light of this suspicion, I was not surprised when, after finishing dinner, I found a mid-sized fellow examing the dishes in my sink. I found this the perfect opportunity to test the effects of hot water on these miserable creatures. The most interesting of this effects was the repeated, and rather mocking, rearing up of the cockroach in what I can only describe as a good imitation of a horse bucking. It actually took me by surprise and I almost lost him in my astonishment but I quickly recovered and dispatched him using a new method which I termed the "side-of-the-cutting board method."

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